December 11, 2014
285 lbs Motherfucker!!!
Wow. Has it been a week already? I was staring blankly at my laptop for several minutes wondering what to blog about today when I thought, "Wait a minute, it's Thursday!", which means it's .... WEEKLY WEIGH IN DAY! Yaaaaaay! (The preceding word should have been dripping in sarcasm when you read it).
I gained another effing pound! Now to those of you who are thinking, "big deal. It's just a pound. Stop complaining", you need to understand that I worked my ass off these past two weeks, so fuck you! (There is no need to be offended by my use of language here as this conversation was held between myself and my imagination). Admittedly, 'hard' is not the correct word to use to describe these past to weeks, it's actually been pretty easy, but I have been quite good. In the past two weeks, I've gone to jazzercise six times, made much healthier daily food choices (with a few exceptions) and have started every morning with Zija's Smart Mix. I mean sure I still feel great on the whole. I've been generally more active, social and in a better mood, but, but, but ............. well fuuuck!
Sure, feeling good is the most important thing and should be my #1 goal, but honestly the main reason that I started taking Zija was for the assistance in losing weight. It was my understanding that the nutrients in Smart Mix would help give me back the energy and desire to eat better and get active again and it has definitely delivered in those areas, but it's also supposed to help with weight loss. I feel like I should definitely have seen some scale reduction if I hadn't been taking Zija, so you'd think I'd be in a position to have a celebratory giant glass of wine right now rather than a giant bowl of leafy greens.
I need the greens to offset having breakfast for dinner with sausage AND bacon with my mom on Monday. Naturally, I had my meals for the entire day already planned out in my head, but I was far too hungry to say no when she suggested it. Then there was yesterday's cauliflower casserole. In addition to the cauliflower there is white pasta, cream and copious amounts of cheese so it's not as healthy as it sounds, but the quantity consumed was a problem more-so than the contents of the dish (translation: I ate too damn much).
I'm feeling pretty irritated with myself for those two days right now, which is concerning to me because It's almost as if my mind will jump at any excuse to feel like a failure. Compared to the previous several months, that last two weeks deserve a round of applause. A standing ovation, even. Also, I'm not on diet. I'm making a permanent change to my eating habits which means that once I reach my ideal weight, my eating habits should remain largely the same. It's not like I'm never going to eat bacon and eggs again (not even in a box or with a fox, nothing!). I have been in a place where I felt guilty about every grain of white flour or sugar that entered my digestive system and I know that is not a place that I went to be in again.
To a degree, the frustration that I'm feeling right now is unwarranted and I know that. You know when you simultaneously know something to be true and feel that the opposite is true? Does that happen to anyone else? Usually my mind will engage in an incessant battle of thoughts vs feelings and drive me up the wall until I can distract myself. Rather than try to talk myself down, I'm going to acknowledge and sit with these feelings for a bit, then have a big salad. Just blogging about how I feel has had a huge cleansing effect on me emotionally, but my digestive system could use a bit of a cleanse too! :p
I've decided that starting this week, I will add a Weight Loss Tip to my Weekly Weigh-In blog that will consist of some information nugget that has helped me during this weight loss journey and those of the past. Without further ado, I am pleased to introduced to very first...
Weight Loss Tip of the Day:
*Record your progress. Keep a blog, vlog, journal, diary, finger paint on a cave. Just have some kind of medium to express your successes, setbacks (there are no such things as failures), thoughts and feelings as you progress. Most people suggest journaling as a means to keep a record of and to hold yourself accountable for your food intake. I think it's vitally more important to keep a record of your feelings associated with food, exercise, etc. When I'm feeling good emotionally, I tend to naturally eat better and exercise more as a side effect. Journaling is a great way to check in with yourself and acknowledge your feelings on a regular basis.
That's all for today. Feel free to share some of your weight loss tips in the comments section!
I wish you good feelings.
Love,
Rachael
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